July 10, 2010

Who am I and why am I here?

Who am I? I ask this not from a spiritual or philosophical point of view. But really, who am I? Why was I born? What's the purpose of my life? What is it to achieve which I have taken birth?

This question haunts me. I see people who are very successful in their fields, how people love and adore them without any bounds. The whole nation gets emotional when Sachin Tendulkar raises his bat after scoring a century. Everyone loves him. At that time I want to be like him. Currently the football world cup is going on and everyone is cheering for the mighty Dutch team and feels sorry for the heartbreaking loss of the Germans. I want to be cheered for too.

Then at the live concert of Richard Marx, Backstreet Boys and most recently, MLTR, I saw the crowds going crazy for those guys. I too want to sing songs and ballads of love, life and heartbreak, of joy, sorrow and pain and earn my entry into the hearts of millions. I want to be known, to be recognised, to be loved and remembered after I am gone. Look at Michael Jackson, gone but still the King of Pop!

The problem is, I don't know yet what it is that I want to do. Of course, currently I'm employed as a sub-editor in a reputed national newspaper in India's IT hub, earning a humble pay. Is this what I want to do? Stick to the field and wait for my promotions or increments, as and when they come?

When I was watching some Superman movie, I wanted to be him when I saw people (in the movie) looking at the flying wonder with awe. I want to be like Peter Parker (alter ego Spiderman) and Tony Stark (and thus Iron Man). Then, while watching Salman Khan's Wanted, I wanted to be a super cop! Not just wishful thinking, I really want to be.

And whenever I watch my favourite movie, an animated movie about a horse, Spirit—The Stallion of the Cimarron, I want to be like him. Of all the things I don't know, one thing that I do know is that I don't want to be a horse. But as I write all these things, I can see that whatever it is that I have to be, I want to be admired, loved and respected. People should recall the name Hemant Gairola with love, gratitude and respect. But how to do it? What do I do to be what I want to be? What field, what stream?

Universe/God/Higher Self... Anybody there?

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