Three dreams and a tip for great sleep

Dream no. 1: The recurring nightmare
I don't understand. Why do I still get those nightmares about my 12th board exams! It was exactly 12 years ago that my batch had its final board exams. The exams never scared me then, why should they now!

Granted, I had failed in four out of five subjects in the first pre-board, and had failed in physics in every single exam (in all the unit tests and pre-boards, except the unit test where I availed of chits, and my last-row seat), never ever was I worried even then. I was failing, so what! It was only because I'd never study, since I loathed the subjects. I never wanted to study science at +2 level. My parents had forced me into it ("Take science, or you'll be kicked out of this home.")

Now, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. And then I'm said to be a jackass. I never do something I don't like. So I never studied, until the day before the exam. And that was enough to secure passing marks. I was never worried. OK, I was worried for a few minutes the day before the physics pre-board, which was on March 1. But that's that. Once I pulled my hitherto untouched book out of the plastic cover it had been wrapped in for a full year, I was amazed at how easy it all was! Once I was in the zone, I could merrily grasp every concept, every phenomenon that was gobbledygook to me until then. Within half an hour of beginning the 11th hour preparation, I was sure passing the exams will be a cakewalk. 

And pass I did. My parents were in disbelief when CBSE declared the result. They were jubilant and surprised that I had passed.  I wasn't. I knew I'd pass the moment the question papers were handed to me.

The point is, the board exams never scared me then. But in the form of nightmare, they haven't stopped bugging me even more than a decade later. It's my most recurrent dream. The only recurrent dream, actually. Board exams are approaching, I'm blank and scared to the bones. Those dreams feel real. I feel like I'm right there in the moment. I experience that dread, that agony and that nervousness. I sense the strong undercurrents of frustration (at having to opt science) and helplessness (for being pushed into opting science). The anxiety feels so real! The entire scene seems so real! Whenever I get such a dream, I wake up feeling nervous.

Thank God it's just a dream. I just fail to understand how a happy-go-lucky person like me is attracting this recurring dream. Going by my state of mind, I should be having WWE superstars and Govinda in my dreams.

[Read previous post about the nightmare, written six years ago.]

Dream no. 2: Networking for an investigative story
Now that I'm at it, let me also mention the dream I had the night before. Chhattisgarh's first chief minister, Ajit Jogi, had made a guest appearance! We were having a jolly conversation. I was demonstrating my half-baked knowledge of the Chhattisgarhi dialect with elan and he was downright amused and impressed! As I had his full attention, I told him I was planning to do a story on Balco's affairs (the aluminium factory in Chhattisgarh, where my dad worked and in whose residential township I grew up) and I'd need his quotes. 

FYI, Balco used to be a central government company, but was privatised in 2001. Ajit Jogi was the chief minister of Chhattisgarh then and had lent massive support to workers' two-month-long strike opposing the decision to privatise.

Yesterday I woke up feeling pretty cool, that even in dream the journalist in me is at work, developing contacts for a story. I just recalled, in my journalism college, our vice-dean used to reiterate that we ought to be so consumed by story ideas that they should be on our mind even when are eating and sleeping. Finally, I got there! Finally! Now I feel better!

Dream no. 3: Rockstar

Now this is a dream that I see with my eyes wide open, every waking hour. It's a dream I nurture and am committed to turning into reality. It's the dream of becoming the rockstar I'm vying to be. We're ready, just have to figure out how to start landing paid gigs. Efforts are under way. They will yield result soon. 

I can go on and on about this dream, but I'd rather go pursue it right now. That's more important. Practice beckons. After all, practice makes a rockstar perfect. Or less imperfect.

The tip for great sleep

Oh, there are way too many mosquitoes here. Mosquito repellent stuff too is proving to be impotent. At best, they merely knock mosquitoes unconscious for some time. A couple of hours later, mosquitoes regain consciousness and resume their bloodsucking routine. So, for a good sleep, I'd recommend getting a mosquito net. It's barely been four days since I started sleeping under one and am having such a sound sleep that I feel super happy, and rested, upon waking up. It's such a welcome change from the mosquito-swatting sleeping I was having all these past months. Whoever invented mosquito net, thank you!

Explaining my 'D' grades in reporting

In previous blogposts, I've pulled no punches in dissing reporters who habitually turn in shoddy work. As a sub-editor and a perfectionist, seeing those pathetic non-stories would make me cringe, much like chalkboard scraping. I'd give myself full marks (and an extra for the passion) as a sub-editor, but how good a reporter would I have made?

When I was learning the tricks of the trade in my J-school, we were required to go out to report once a week. I always dreaded that day. When the day would arrive, my usual chirpy self would transform into a nervous, quiet guy. To get a story, one is required to speak with a lot of people. That's what always proved to be my undoing. 

Having to approach strangers almost always left me jumpy. I once went to the office of the forest department, but couldn't bring myself to enter it as the board on its entrance read visitors were allowed only after 3 pm. For one story I needed to speak with random people on the street. I couldn't do that. In my first job, my editor asked me to do a small story. I went to the municipal office, but got cold feet and returned without speaking with anybody. 

In my J-school, this weakness got the better of me. In both the semesters, I got 'D' grades in the core elective of 'Reporting & Writing'. I'm surprised I didn't get an 'E'. Towards the end of our course, I was put on probation and a letter was sent to my parents, stating I needed to pull up my socks if I didn't want to fail. I've no idea how I passed, but I hope this is a good enough indication of how bad the situation can get.

I don't know how or why I turn this timid sometimes. Diametrically opposite of foot-in-the-door journalist. I become heart-in-the-mouth journalist. It leaves me feeling small, under-confident and annoyed. 

The chickenheart/dragonheart dichotomy

It's not that I'm always this feeble person. When I was interning with The Hindu, I did so well as a reporter that I was asked to extend my internship by a month, at the end of which they offered me a job. When I'm at it, I'm really good.

Currently, I'm in that too-meek-to-report phase. I've got this wonderful freelancing opportunity to keep my journalism career alive as I cut my teeth as a musician. I've got five story ideas, two of them super relevant and too interesting. Every day I vow that tomorrow I shall call up or visit the people I need to interview, but I'm finding it so daunting that it's getting stalled forever. 

It's not that I lack confidence in general or am wary of confrontation. I had famously put my foot down when our infamous, no-nonsense college director tried to browbeat us into shelling out 10k for a stupid Kerala trip. I had stood up for my gal pals when a busful of hostile locals in Bangalore were ganging up against them. I had given a 'reveller' a chase after he had tried groping my friend after a New Year party. I'm not a wuss. Only, at times I become one. And this is clearly one of those times.
I don't want to be a loser. Right now, I'm being one. I find it strange that I'm prone to hitting such lows. Glad that I know it's all in my hands. I might not understand why it is the way it is, but I've got my eyes on the prize. Gonna get there anyhow.

My current assessment
Coming back to the heart of this post. How good am I as a reporter? A reporter is as good as his last story. My last story would have been way better if I were not being such a wimp. It's still good, but not great. Underwhelming. Me as a reporter? I suck. A brilliant writer, but a featherweight reporter. 

I want to change that. For someone who wants to earn the moniker of "a reporter who rocks", I gotta party hard and work harder. Oh, I need to work on my partying too, but that's another blogpost.

Don't believe Indian media's lies on JNU row

It's unsettling how baseless media reports have whipped up mass hysteria over the JNU/anti-national saga.1. Umar...
Posted by Hemant Gairola on Friday, 26 February 2016

Dear bad fish of Bengaluru, what's your grouse? Really, what's it?

Good that cops have been suspended and people arrested over the racist assault on the Tanzanian student in Bangalore, but how do we arrest the main villain? The evil figure with deep roots that enjoys unquestioned loyalty of the masses? How do we arrest the hate mentality?

If not for the noxious 'them versus us' theory, why was it that the distressed woman received no help in a bus full of people? And why do such attacks keep happening? (Those in denial, try Google.) While the entire country, and more so the sensible side of Bangalore, is hurt and ashamed, racist remarks from many Bangaloreans continue surfacing on the internet unabated. Venomous, unapologetic and in your face.

These people might not have been a part of that mob, but they surely are a part of that mob mentality. Just as guilty. It's like multiple Donald Trumps on loose in Bengaluru.

Their go-to argument for justifying aggression is that migrants disrespect the local culture. I want to understand how so. Please specify so that they can learn the dos and don'ts.

People from the South go for Chaar Dhaam pilgrimage up North and people from all over the country make a beeline for Kukke Subramanya Temple. What you celebrate as Ugadi, other states celebrate under different names. Migrants call RCB their home team, relish the local cuisine and gush about the city's fantabulous weather. We're all made up of the same cultural thread, the same social fabric. What disrespect, then, are you talking about?

People come to Bangalore for education or to make a living, what incentive can they possibly have to rile the people who call this place their home! I request you to introspect and see if there's a valid reason for your predisposition towards us. If there is not, please drop your hostility. Please live and let live.

Ummm... Aren't you mad at us because we can't speak Kannada? Is this what you perceive as disrespect? See, we know and respect that Kannada is a classical language with a rich heritage. That we have only a basic knowledge of the language shouldn't be mistaken for a snub. We enjoy picking up the language in bits & pieces from our friends and colleagues. It's when you seek to push it down our throats that you make us loathe it.

You may argue why we stay in Bengaluru if it's so bad here. We choose to come and stay there despite you, not because of you. You are thorns on the beautiful rose stem that Bangalore is.

If you truly care for your cultural pride, then please quit being in denial and realise your ideology is only shaming your 'culture'. Please introspect. The solution to rash driving isn't beating up whoever you can lay your hands on. Report it to police. For the sake of your city's reputation, don't assume the role of judge and executioner. Because when you judge, the world judges you. 

“Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.” —Samuel Johnson

Assault on Tanzanian student not surprising: An immigrant's view on xenophobia in Bangalore

As a 'northie' who has lived in Bangalore for six years, I wasn't one bit shocked at what the mob did to the young Tanzanian woman. I fully expect this from the city. And so do my 'outsider' friends who live or have lived there. Doesn't matter whether you're from Africa, the North-East or North, the locals treat all non-Kannadigas equally: with hostility and jingoism.

You may move to India's IT capital with dreams and aspirations, but sooner or later xenophobia is gonna get in your face and make you feel like an unwelcome refugee in your own country. Oh, prepare to be heckled on a regular basis for not knowing Kannada. Traffic cops, smart alec shopkeepers, compulsorily rude auto drivers, bus conductors, co-passengers etc are gonna take turns to remind you of your place in 'their' land. You are an 'outsider'. I put it in single quotes because here, the term is not an innocuous, identifying detail but a label akin to outcast, riddled with prejudice and dislike.

I'm not implying the whole of Bangalore is fanatical and chauvinistic. No way. I've made cool friends there. The guy who taught me Kannada (starting with how to say "I love you"), my jolly good colleagues I'm so fond of and the eatery owner who loved treating me to bisibele bath. I can speak only broken Kannada and my landlady could speak only broken English, yet we'd talk for half an hour when she'd bring over delicacies on festivals. Oh, Bangalore is a beautiful place with lovely people. A friend who shifted there 18 months ago says neither he nor his friends have had any unpleasant encounter. But that's just one part of the story, an incomplete truth.

A tale of two cities

Bangalore's is a tale of two cities, of two kind of people: awesome, intelligent, hospitable; and the immigrant-hating jingoistic kind. Home minister G Parameshwara might dismiss claims of racism and say the city does not have "that kind of an attitude". I'm saying it indeed has the attitude of bullying 'outsiders'. The majority embraces immigrants, others downright loathe them. How many instances shall I cite?

An Odiya friend who lived in Bangalore for nine years knows that hostile crowds and uncooperative police are a way of life here for 'outsiders'. That's why she too wasn't surprised to learn that a mob assaulted an African, who got thrown out of a bus and was denied help by the police. Barring assault, she herself has been harassed like that on more than one occasion. From her experiences, she knows what happened to the African student is so typical of the unwelcoming side of the city.

Enjoying an immigrant's humiliation

Once this friend was travelling in a city bus and the conductor started getting into her face for not having change. (Agreed, passengers should carry change, but does not carrying it entitle the bus crew to misbehave with them?) She was apologetic for the inconvenience, but the aggressive conductor accosted her and kept trashing her in Kannada. Co-passengers chuckled at his remarks, passing taunts of their own. They relished seeing the hapless, demure woman singled out and in agony.

Humiliated, she got down at the last stop and went to the police station there, the conductor accompanying her nonchalantly. Only when she disclosed she was a journalist did the police heed her and switched to a respectful tone. Respectfully, they told her: "Madam, leave him. He will not do it again," not lodging a plaint despite her insistence. The culprit stood there wearing a belligerent smirk all along. As if it's understood one cannot possibly get into trouble for accosting, even manhandling an 'outsider'. 

Got jeered at? Happens

When I was in college, I myself saw my female batchmates heckled by a conductor and aggressive co-passengers when they requested him to get men off women's seat in the crowded bus. I tried to placate them, but passengers ganged up on us, getting louder and threatening us with violence, hooting when we got off the bus. We're non-Kannadigas, after all.

'You northies...'

On another occasion, when these girls were travelling in a bus and got up to offer their seat to an elderly woman, instead of a thanks they received a jibe: "You North Indians come to Bangalore and spoil our culture!"

Thankfully, not with everyone and not often, but such incidents do happen, reminding 'outsiders' of their place. 

"You don't belong here," is a diatribe one may come across in subtle or not-so-subtle ways. Last year, two motorcycle-borne men in JP Nagar said these very words to my face when I protested their rash driving, which almost injured me.

The gift of anonymity in public places lets these people unveil their mean, aggressive streak.

'Got harassed? Too bad. Your fault'

When a friend would tell her elderly colleagues about how she'd get harassed for being a non-Kannadiga, they would squarely blame it on her for not knowing Kannada. This is a common refrain: Get conversant in Kannada or don't whine about being harassed. 

A couple of years ago, the newspaper I worked for had invited a few women entrepreneurs for a discussion on politics and general issues. One of them narrated an instance where a friend of hers, a foreigner, called 100 upon sensing trouble from ruffians on the road. A woman answered the distress call, cutting the other woman off for not speaking in Kannada. Why, even the city traffic police's website says one should not expect traffic cops to speak English or Hindi as a matter of right. 

I thought this was a cosmopolitan city.

Attacks on North-Eastern community

Remember, three Manipuri students were beaten up in October 2014 for "not speaking Kannada despite eating Karnataka's food"? Students from the North-East have borne the brunt of xenophobic locals' aggression over the past few years on multiple occasions, triggering protests and candle light vigils. Remember the mass exodus of the North-Eastern brethren in 2012 when they fled the city crammed up in trains like cattle, fearing for their lives? The rumour that triggered that infamous episode could take roots only because they knew a racist attack on them was a distinct possibility.

Blatant racism on internet

Even as the country is ashamed over the latest racist attack, there are some Bangaloreans who still are in denial mode. See these comments posted online:

A Kannadiga friend posted on Facebook how she felt disgusted and ashamed at the incident, to which a 26-year-old man replied with this:

• Yea! But a drunk foreigner killing one lady n injuring 2 n then changing a car n hitting 8 more is also horrifying. If an Indian does this in foreign, am sure he/she would be treated even worse

After some back-and-forth with a user who wondered how he could justify the violence on this ground, he dropped this gem:

• Even I do feel sorry for what few people did as no one had touched her until she went to her boyfriend who committed crime... After he killed 1 women to death and inured 2 when drunk, if he had just gone absconding this wouldn't have happened. But he went n took another car, and then started driving rashly going into a one way n banging almost 8-10 people. Luckily no one was killed to death. After this if people bury the car and hit them I dont feel surprised.

My friend reasoned with this young man that even if the Tanzanian student was indeed guilty of running a pedestrian over, no one had the right to lay a finger on her. To this, the gentleman (pun intended) said this:

• Yes, if the girl was really humiliated, that part is definitely wrong. And ur point of 'even if he/she had committed crime, no one has right to touch them', is the prime reason y outsiders r being so rude. The police now inspite of their mistake has to give a royal treatment. Not sure if this is right

It's not just one person with a twisted mentality or in denial mode. See the conspiracy theory proposed and the undertones of 'a storm in a tea cup' in this Facebook comment:

• There have been such incidents in the last year as well, but this incident has made it to the front page headlines. Is it a coincidence that media decides to blow it to such proportions only when an invest Karnataka global meet is happening?... I will stand for the rights of that Tanzanian girl however we might have to keep a watch on the damage control

This Facebook comment condemns the attack while squarely blaming African students for the mob's fury:

• The Africans have made life a living hell and the anger manifested itself... though I don't condone the attack at all, the students need to tone down their lifestyle and be more considerate if the others too.

A news website carried a story related to the incident. Its comments section looks like this:

• The Nigerians should be thrown out if they mis behave in future from the country.
•  Since they are like animals, leave them for eternity inside Bannerghatta forest. They may enjoy their brotherhood with Lions and Leopards.
•  It is ridiculous that their nationality and identity could not be ascertained, in this period when the country is on grip of fear of terrorist acts.!!!???

Will you still tell me there's no racism? Never mind stereotyping in the other comments, calling Africans rash, arrogant and high headed, not one of the writers condemning the assault on the Tanzanian student.

•  Then there's this question on Quora: "How do I make non-Kannadigas speak Kannada in Bangalore?" One person suggests using "force if you're in command", and whenever possible, refusing to converse in any language but Kannada.
•  In a similar thread on Quora, I found this screenshot:
  
  

The sensible majority
Please be clear I'm merely pointing out some of the (arguably ubiquitous) bad apples and the undeniable, hateful undercurrent that the state government says doesn't exist at all. No way I'm judging the entire city by these rotten ones' behaviour. Every extremist thought on web has more than a dozen Kannadigas summarily disapproving of the jingoism, requesting fanatics not to ruin the state's image by impose their culture on anybody. The hateful minority embarrasses the sensible majority. And I'm among those embarrassed and ashamed at what happened in my city a day after the death anniversary of Gandhi ji.

Oh, and I'm angry. My pals who have been harassed are also angry, because we relate to that humiliation. The one whom the bus conductor had affronted told me she was so disturbed over this news she needed to resort to her diary to vent. The other said she wanted to write an article about her own bad experiences. I'm writing this because I'm pissed off at those almost justifying the assault, including the home minister. Racist attacks haven't taken place in Bangalore for the first time. Can your police make an example of this murderous mob and ensure they rot in jail so that no would-be-fanatic dares such a misadventure ever again? Can you instill fear of law in them? Can you?

Those above law in B'lore

Law says all vehicles' number plates must be in English, but thousands of vehicles there ply with Kannada number plates. Even policemen's. The challan-happy traffic police hardly ever impose fine for it, fearing wrath of pro-Kannada outfits. But immigrants make up for more than 70% of Bangalore's population, how do they report a crime/mishap involving such a vehicle? Why, then, this exemption? It's such things that embolden hooligans, who learn they can evade law by brandishing the red-gold flag. (For the uninitiated, Karnataka has an informal state flag.) According to a Hindustan Times report, four of the nine men arrested for the assault are reportedly with a pro-Kannada organisation. Anybody surprised? 

Mr home minister, the "strict action will be taken" rhetoric impresses nobody. Can you rein in these radical outfits and bring them to book the next time they break law? Can we expect the law of the land will be implemented in letter and spirit and justice shall be meted out without fear or favour? Or will there be minor, routine arrests as usual, bail soon after and the masters of puppets go scot-free as usual?

No offence, Bangalore

If any Bangalorean reading this is offended, please understand I'm not pointing a finger at you, nor at namma Bengaluru. You've expressed grief and sorrow at the episode, you have minced no words in condemning the assault. You have always supported peace and brotherhood. Last year you set an example in selflessness and charity when Chennai was submerged. Nobody can ask for more. I understand it annoys the hell out of you when people label our beautiful city as racist.

I hope our anger and emotion evolves into a resolve to hold our government accountable. Because justice delayed is justice denied. And while redemption is not possible, atonement is very much. If political will is found lacking, let us ensure unrelenting public pressure makes up for it. Clipping wings of those who think they are above the law would be a reasonable start.

A prayer for my city

Ending this rather long note with a hope and a prayer that animosity vanishes from the hearts of those who have an inherent dislike for 'outsiders'. Hoping that cocky immigrants who proclaim "I need not learn Kannada because Hindi is India's national language" get a miraculous dose of wisdom as they sleep tonight and stop pissing off these locals with their brazen ignorance and arrogance. (It takes two to tango, after all.) Hoping that the African students get over this trauma, praying that the wounds on their psyche heal soon. And a prayer for the family of the woman who was killed at the hands of the rash driver.

P.S. Watch this video, starring Congress leader BL Shankar, to learn how to add insult to injury:

A slacker's guide to 'following' New Year's Resolutions

(If you're lagging behind your resolutions, technically you're following them. Congrats already! Where there is a will, there is an excuse. Presenting five of my most effective ones.)

New Year has kicked in and you must be armed with a list of resolutions that you're determined to see through this year. You're pumped up, commitment is at an all-time high and you know like you know that unlike previous years, you're gonna stick to your plan.

Whom are we kidding? Even while vowing to do (or not do) something, we know clearly in the back of our mind that the resolve to stick to the resolution is gonna disappear just like the friends who promised to stay back to help you do the dishes after the party. Benefit from my expert tips on how to go about this whole resolution business.

I wrote this 1 YEAR AGO. Important to reflect. Time to write new goals. Still workin' on that last sumbitch.. 😂

A photo posted by therock (@therock) on Dec 31, 2015 at 11:36am PST

1. Leave margin for error
Don't be too hard on yourself. Most people are adamant they'll begin following the new regime right from Day 1. That's where they err, by overwhelming themselves. There may be slips, and let them be. Suppose you promised yourself you'd stay away from liquor this year. After a week of sticking to the plan, you may find yourself raising a toast to celebrate sobriety. Happens. Force of habit. And old habits die hard. Don't let that embarrass you. Restart. Cheers to that!

2. Procrastinate, if need be
Never mind if your plan got derailed after a week or 10 days. If your friends troll you over it, tell them it was the trial run that failed. That you believe Makar Sankranti (January 14) to be the actual new year according to the Hindu calendar. Or if you feel like you need more time to get started, take your time. Chinese New Year is on February 8. Or, you can start following your resolution from Malayalam New Year, Vishu. It falls sometime in April. So you can be mentally prepared to embrace the lifestyle change you want to bring about. I'd put Ugadi/Gudi Padwa too in the list, but it falls around Vishu. Get innovative if you need more time. Holi, Diwali, Christmas, you can assign any festival as your starting point. If anybody cries foul, call them intolerant.

3. Rephrase your resolutions
If you choose to follow the above two points, your mind might congratulate you on finding a loophole but this guilty conscience doesn't forgive. It sits pretty on moral high ground and pokes you from there. There's a solution for this also: rephrase your resolution. Instead of saying "I'll go to gym every day," or "I will not even touch junk food," let your resolutions be "I'll think of going to gym every day," and "I will try not to have much of pizza and burgers when they offer heavy discount, such as buy 1-get 1." This way, if you succeed in hitting the treadmill, you should congratulate yourself for exceeding your expectations. In case you can't go to gym for a few days, you'd at least have thought of it. So resolution fulfilled, guilty conscience etc taken care of. 

4. Get a partner-in-crime
Birds of a wing flock together. And they should. Find yourself a partner whose commitment level is similar to yours. If you're a go-getter, disciplined person and have a slacker for a friend, he/she might pull you down by the sheer magnetism of the all-powerful laziness they revel in. Or, if you're one of those who take it easy but have a friend who's committed to their goal like Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are committed to each other, you may find their determination overwhelming you and demoralising you. Stay friends with such people, but don't discuss your resolutions with them. Find someone who's in your league.

5. Don't tell social media
Why'd you want to put yourself under pressure by declaring on Facebook that you plan to quit smoking! Or that you'll get fit or get up early morning instead of staying up till early mornings. The next time you're standing with your colleagues who're fagging and you naturally begin to crave a puff, you'll be left just feeling sorry for yourself. Helpless. Facebook friends are trolls-in-waiting. They are like sharks that smell blood the moment you announce your resolutions. Beware! You might not want to give them a chance to put you down when the inevitable happens.

On a serious note...
The bottomline is, stay realistic. It's definitely good to aim to get fit, to quit smoking, eat healthy etc, it's important that you don't overwhelm yourself. Psychologists say most people fail to stick to their resolutions because they were not committed to it in the first place. Don't confuse your wish with your resolution. Don't expect to get ripped in three-four months, but do hope to get in a better shape. Choose practical goals, only a few, and focus your energy on them. Like I said above, old habits die hard. Got to kill them harder. That needs perseverance. And that is available only to those who are genuinely committed to their goals. Bringing in lifestyle changes needs deep commitment, and it will come only over a period of time. Maybe after a couple of failed attempts. Keep going, hardwork always pays off.

How I approached exams. And how you should approach exams

In my graduation college's semester exams, I always stood first. Always. I was the first one to stand up and leave the exam hall. In internal exams, I was in and out of the hall within 10 minutes, since I didn't have the stomach to write anything more than my name and roll number in the answer sheet. I had chosen my journalism college because its website said no exams (regular assessment instead). Yet, today I've been asked to write an article advising school-goers how to approach their exam. Talk of irony!

The only practical advice I'd give is this: know the important questions, jot down the answers neatly on small chits and plan extremely carefully where to hide them. In class XII, I failed in physics in all the three pre-boards and three unit tests, except the 40-mark test in which prism formula's derivation was bound to come. It helped that I was seated in the last row, but even otherwise I'd have copied, like I did in first semester exams. Why bother memorising Henry Fayol's 14 principles of management when you can scribble them all on a piece of paper and 'refer' to it! During this exam, I had the two most feared invigilators in my exam hall. Yet I copied coolly. (Copying tip: Play it cool. Don't act suspicious.)

Please note that I do not endorse all of the following 21 points. They were written merely for the blog. I stand by only point no. 17, which is about last-minute preparation. The last time I prepared for an exam was in class XII; it was only on the day before the board exam that I actually ever studied. 

How I passed class XII boards
If you're a science student in class XII, CBSE course, have failed all three pre-boards and don't know a thing even two days before the exams are set to begin, you're in trouble. You know how science books are: bulky like telephone directories. That's how much syllabus one needs to cover. Now, in my first pre-board exams, I had failed in four out of five subjects, English being the only subject in which I passed. With 88 numbers, I was the top-scorer in this subject in my class. The sum total of my four other subjects' marks was 44 or 45. (I rue misplacing my class XII report card.)

By the third pre-board, I did manage to pass all subjects. Except physics. Had my paper been evaluated fair and square, I'd have cleared that subject too, but our physics teacher was known for being biased and insensible. He was pissed off with me for being a pain in the a** and thus was stingy in awarding marks, which is why I failed in the third pre-board. (I know it's not logical to fail a student who's barely managed to pass because you were pissed that he failed previous exams, but people are weird. Aren't they?)

So, the principal refused to give the admit card to me. He asked me, and the likes of me, to get a 'clearance' from the physics teacher. So, two-three days before the board exam, we had a small test. The syllabus was only the first two (or three?) chapters. Everyone knows, these first chapters are elementary level. I failed even that. The principal had to give the admit card, as he does not have the authority to withhold it. The 'clearance' in weak subject was of course a gimmick. We all knew that.

So, a day (or two?) before the board exam, I get my admit card. I was kind of relieved until I got the admit card in hand. Though I knew the principal would have to give the card, a part of me was wishing he didn't. That way, I won't have had to appear for the exam and I could have proclaimed: "I'd get good marks, only if I were allowed to write the exam!" But fate was cruel to me and didn't offer me that luxury.

So, you have less than 48 hours before a board exam and you know absolutely nothing about that subject. The book is like telephone directory in size, alien concepts on each page. How do you prepare? You do it my way.

Thankfully, those days, CBSE would allot a certain marks to each chapter. The question paper more or less stuck to that weightage. I had the math done. Total marks 70, passing marks 24 (it was in the 20s, I can't recall what exactly, but let's say it was 24). I'm safe if I prepare for 27-28 marks well. Prepare only this much, but prepare thoroughly.

Ok. Now how do we pick which topics to cover? There are certain factors to be considered: Which chapter has the most weightage? Which chapter will take the least amount of time to prepare? Which chapter/topic carries enough weightage and does not require any prior knowledge of related concepts? 

As part of my preparation, the first thing I studied intently was the chapter-wise allocation of marks. Next was the syllabus. I went through the index to identify topics I was confident I would grasp. This took some time. Once I zeroed in on the topics I'd study, I was good to start my preparation. As they say, well begun is half done. 

When I finally picked up the book (it had been lying safe and protected in the plastic cover ever since I had bought it a year ago, had opened it only a couple of times in between when I wanted to whiff in the smell of a new book), I was intimidated for a moment. I was scared. Even in class XI, I had never studied physics. In class IX and X too, I'd never touch physics questions in exams. But now I had no choice. 

I didn't have the luxury of time to worry. For the first time since the eve of class X social science exam, I started studying sincerely. As I was turning page after page, I was beginning to understand the concepts that had eluded me so far. So easy! I was happy and excited. Confidence continued to grow as I finished one topic after another. 

What do you think happened in the board exam? Ha! I knew that I knew my 28-mark portion well. When I got the question paper, I went through it calmly, taking my time. As I had to attempt only half of the questions anyway, I had all the time in the world. After I scanned the question paper completely, a confident smile was sitting pretty on my face. Whatever I had prepared in the past day and a half was enough to see me through. And pass I did. 

This is how I approached the other subjects too. Chemistry, maths, informatics practices. My approach works. I got 59.8% in the board exams, falling one mark short of 60%. Just one bloody mark. Huh! I did improve my performance in graduation, though, securing 59.9%. (No kidding, no exaggerating, no adjusting figures to facilitate storytelling. I can show you my marksheets.)

I've narrated this anecdote so that the so-called 'weak' students can take a leaf out of the book of someone who has been there, done that. Got an exam tomorrow and haven't prepared? Worry not. Prepare like I did, basic minimum studying. Oh, enough advice for insincere students. I'm enjoying gloating, so let me gloat some more.

My college days and (no) studies

During my graduation, I had stopped taking notes in the classroom after third semester. (Or after second sem?) I won't even take a notebook and pen to the college. I'd always remember to take my music-edition phone, its headset and my guitar. At the beginning of every semester, teachers would send my friends and I out of the classroom for not having a notebook, but as if I cared! My friends and I were only too happy to get the freedom to roam around and not miss out on attendance. Alas, the teachers shunted us out only the first few days.

That was my college life. No studying, no notes, no doing assignments, no taking exams seriously. That's how it was throughout, after the second semester. Till second semester, I had tried sincerely. But if despite writing so much, you get ho-hum marks, one's set to lose morale, right? Right.

Plus, the subjects in BBA are so repetitive. What you study in consumer behaviour is taught in organisational behaviour again. What's taught in business communication is taught in marketing again. What's taught in human resource management is taught in other subjects all over again. It was like old wine in new bottle. Plus, it was just stupid having to memorise things like '5 steps of problem-solving'. If a fly is bugging me, I'll shoo it away. Problem solved in one step. But for a simple thing like this BBA has five steps. Likewise, there are eight steps of communication. Eight stupid steps. I was disenchanted with BBA education and knew for sure I won't be going for an MBA. So there was no need for me to waste my college days over pointless things like studying.

The genuine slacker

But exams are a necessary evil. Cometh the exam time, even the 'coolest' of guys would run around, getting notes photocopied from the sincere ones. Ahead of semester exams, you could see these 'dyoods' with their nose buried in the photostats. Rest of the year they'd act tough, act (over)smart, but the heat of exam would always melt their cool quotient. That's what sets me apart from the lesser mortals. I never studied a thing for any exam after the second semester. Even my friends with whom I'd hang out throughout the day would stop wasting time with me a few days before the exam. 

I never studied. Didn't need to. I knew drawing wide margins on the answer sheet and generic bluffing would see me through. Even when I had to sit at home with books ahead of exams (parents, you see), it was always a book of quotable quotes or a novel that I've read a dozen times. I was never bothered, never afraid. What a cool life I had! This devil-may-care attitude... Wow! I'm ... I'm great. I love myself. I've always held that my college life was awesome, despite our waiter-like uniform. Thank you for that, God!

Hmmm... Originally, I intended to write only a couple of lines, to introduce the following blogpost, but look at just how much I've written! So full of myself! Haha.. Sign of healthy self-esteem ;-) So, getting down to brass tacks, here are the tips I thought up for students who are appearing for their board exam:

21 ways to approach your exam

Exams need not be the nerve-wracking experience a student goes through with bated breath. Follow these tips and breeze through this yearly event. Because while exams are important, they are no big deal.

1. Keep calm, it's exam time:

It is necessary to approach the exam with a calm mind. Anxiety and nervousness can mar your ability to answer the question paper. So, be it in the exam hall or while preparing for your all-important subjects, tell yourself that to make the best use of time at hand, you need to be relaxed. Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths and get your zen mode on.

2. Start easy while preparing:

Which topics seem like a cakewalk? Tend to them first. Feeling good? Good! Increase the difficulty level only progressively. This will help you gain the all-important confidence.

3. Don't miss on sleep:

Everyone sleeps less than usual ahead of exams, but make sure you don't stay up all night. Deprive yourself of sleep, and your mind becomes a lot less efficient in soaking and retaining information.

4. Eat smart:

Deep fried food will make you drowsy. Forgetting to eat will compromise your brain's ability to be alert and active. Eat healthy and make sure you don't miss a single meal during exams.

5. Cut down on social media:

Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp... If you find yourself spending too much time on these platforms, it's better to deactivate your profiles for the time being.

6. Previous question papers:

Try to arrange past five years' question papers. Ensure you know the answer to every question.

7. Solved question papers:

Get books of solved question papers and go through them. Read them. You'll be getting familiar with not only the recurring questions over the past few years, but also how to answer them.

8. Take mock tests at home:

This will help you get familiar with the concept of answering the exam paper in the due time. You'll get used to writing fast enough. If you take enough mock tests at home, exam fear (if any) would have no grip on you.

9. Write. Write. Write:

For many, preparation means merely reading. They don't bother practising by writing. Be it derivation of important formulae in science or maths or subjects like history and languages, practise by writing. The mind tends to race ahead in the flow when you are merely reading. It's when you write that your mind actively takes part in the process of learning. Make notes as you study a subject.

10. Write in detail:

For students of science and maths, it is important they write down all the steps of a question they are answering. Often, marks are awarded not just for the answer but also for the steps. If your answer sheet doesn't bear all the steps, you risk losing marks. Also, if your answer is wrong but some of your steps are right, you get marks for those steps.

11. Mind your handwriting:

Evaluators tend to be more generous in awarding marks if the answer sheet bears neat and beautiful handwriting. Gibberish text, on the other hand, puts them off and stands the risk of drawing fewer marks.

12. Draw diagrams:

If a question can be answered better with diagrams, draw them. Neatly drawn, relevant diagrams are an effective marks bait.

13. Important topics:

Almost every subject has topics teachers stress as important. One or the other topic from this core group is bound to appear in the question paper. So give due time to covering this portion.

14. Group studies:

Group study works when it comes to clearing doubts, but resort to this only when all of you have completed your syllabus and this gathering is not gonna end up in banter..

15. Revision:

The more often you revise, the stronger your grip on the syllabus will be. That's why it makes sense to start preparing early, so that you can allocate sufficient time to revise the syllabus.

16. Plan well in advance:

The sooner you start preparing, the better. With still a couple of months to go before the exams, sit down with the list of your entire syllabus and make a realistic study plan. A few chapters every day will go a long way.

17. Last-minute preparation:

If exams are fast approaching and you've just begun studying, try this approach: Get the breakdown of which chapters contain what weightage. Identify the ones with the most weightage and study them first. That means a better return on investment in terms of time spent and portion covered.

18. Be organised:

Some students choose questions that are easy or carry most marks, proceeding in a random manner. This leaves many flustered towards the end as to which questions are yet to be unanswered. Avoid this by being organised.

19. When you lose motivation:

It's common for a student to get overwhelmed and/or not being able to concentrate. To deal with such situations, look at the bigger picture. What's your aim in life? Sit back and visualise how scoring well will bring you closer to your dreams. Let it sink in. (If you're not clear what you want to be, let your motivation be escaping parents' rebuke. Whatever works!)

20. Don't prepare like this guy:

21. Go easy on yourself:

While your parents and teachers must be breathing under your neck, relax. Don't let the pressure get to you (because point 1). Set a realistic goal for yourself and give your best.

For parents: Road to exams needn't be testing times

I wrote this for the blog section of an education website, for which my friends have taken up the content generation work. I wrote this in one go, and I now realise I've a flair for preaching, giving lecture. No wonder I don't have a girlfriend. (#JustKidding)

Here's the write-up (I don't even know why I'm posting it here):

Come winter, children find their parents adopting an unusually no-nonsense approach towards their studies. The teenagers are told to cut the time they spend outside home and devote more time to study. The exams are drawing near, after all.

Students are aware how crucial the board or PU exams are and approach preparation with varying levels of sincerity, according to their level of motivation and interest. They go about their preparation with a nonchalance that sets off the panic alarm in their parents' psyche.

For many a middle-class parent, exam is an entity to be dreaded, like He Who Must Not Be Named. They cannot fathom how their child could be so naive as to prepare so little for the inevitable face-off with The Dark Lord. They start putting pressure on their ward. After all, it's his/her life that's at stake.

While their wards' academics should be a concern for every parent, it should never be a worry. However, that's what many parents do. They worry to an extent that the feeling of fear surrounding exams and marks seeps into the impressionable mind of their children. And this turns a regular, annual event of student life into a rough experience for many students.

Sadly, every year declaration of results is followed by a spate of suicides and suicide attempts by many schoolchildren. Fear, shame and guilt makes some to run away. Even in the run-up to the exams, many face a nervous breakdown. Every year, the government sets up helplines ahead of exams, so that students can speak to counsellors to soothe their frayed nerves. It is certainly a laudable step on the part of the government, but prevention is better than cure and that is where the role of parents comes.

If you are a parent and your child is set to face her school life's final exam this year, ask yourself if you're being harsh on her. By any chance, is your behaviour telling her she's worthless unless she studies hard and scores well? Does she know you'll still love her if she doesn't meet your expectations or does she think her marks are all that matter to you?

Adolescence is when children need their parents the most. But when they are met with disapproval instead of unconditional love, when they feel their report card is the be-all-and-end-all of who they are, their self-esteem takes a beating. Just like their parents berate them, they too start berating themselves. They think they are of no value. It's in this state of mind that children take extreme steps. And while not every disappointed kid resorts to such desperate measures, the scars thus brought upon a teenager result in her growing up to be an underconfident, damaged adult.

It is crucial that parents handle their wards in a sensible manner. Do pull them up when they slacken. Do tell them to get off Romedy Now and pick up their book. Be strict, but be loving too. Never nag them. Tell them what you expect of them and you'd be proud if they achieved it. Tell them you only want them to make a sincere effort. Push them at times, but never too hard.