January 10, 2015

Movie review: Desi Spiderman is a beacon of brilliance. Superhero movies? Make in India

Oh my God, this movie is so so so so funny. It's ominous-epic. Just like the cult movie Andaz Apna Apna, it will keep you laughing from the first scene to the last. Even after the movie is over, you're unlikely to come out of the delirium. Or bewilderment. Depending on how you take it.

I love this movie so much that when a PYT came to meet me on the eve of Valentine's Day last year, instead of indulging her in something interesting, I played this movie for her. For, I find nothing more interesting than Desi Spiderman. A month later, this girl stopped talking to me. S*** happens. I'm a staunch devotee of this cult classic nevertheless.

If you're a Hindi-speaking Indian with an online presence, it's likely you've seen the video of the iconic title song. The moment you see "KANHA MILK" on the superhero 'costume' where you were expecting spidey logo, you realise you're on to something legendary. 

Before getting his superpowers, our desi Peter Parker (Shyam) is a boy in a man's body. He lisps, plays marbles with village boys, and is a burden on his old mother. He's a method actor. That's why, even in the dream sequence when our Mary Jane (Radha) is fantasising him, he stands like a retard. 

Radha is simply awesome. When not getting molested, she lies on her bed, stares into the camera and fantasises men. She gets incredibly turned on when the lisping retard that Shyam is removes a thorn from her foot. YouTube users are startled:

  • i neva knew touching feet gves orgasm...lemme tell mi bf to touch my feet lol
  • I thought he was just taking out a thorn? what's happening??? lol
  • Ah!
    Kya hua?
  • "ladha" is one horny chic....tofee bhi deti hai....
  • bhais ki aankh itne bure din aa gaye hai is video ko dekhkar m***h maarna pad raha hai :(
The USP of this movie is the avalanche of unintentional humour, which unleashes itself every single time the actors open their mouth. Remember the mystery surrounding Monkey Man attacks in Delhi years ago? Upon seeing our Isspider bhaiyya, the villains conclude he's that Monkey Man, and initially dismiss him as "Nakabposh Bandar". Those who have watched it can't stop gushing about it, like this YouTube user: 
  • "nakabposh bandar.....abey tune bohat public maar di hai apni dehsat se...main tere se na darooo..." hahahaha epic....!!!!!
The movie is replete with powerful dialogues that leave an impression on viewers. Some YouTube users are die-hard fans of the magic:
  • Desi Spiderman: "Haraamjaade, jaake apne us padosi mulk ke aaka se nu keh diye ke thara chacha Desi Spiderman mila vahan, ar us se nu kehiye ke ya to apni harkato se baaj aa ja, nahin to vahin aa ke ghusand itne bajaunga ke saala pada pada salaam karega" Legend hahaha :D
  • o radha,,,,i luv u radha,,...hahahhaha...ultimate dialouges
  • Spider Ji: Bhul jao mjhe... Radha: Tumne kitni aasani se keh dia mein tumhe bhul jau....bhala dil bhi kahi dhadkna bhul sakta hai... :D :D
  • meri aankho me aansu aa jate hai jab bhi is movie ko dekhta hu... so touching
Yes, there indeed are some emotional scenes. Isspider bhaiyya almost breaks up with Radha, as he doesn't want to endanger her life. After all, he has bullock cart-riding, four-bags-looting comical goons plotting to throw cold water on him (ah, don't ask). He decides to break up after he visits Radha's father, to talk about their rishta. Uncle ji asks him for tea. A YouTube user made an astute observation here: "aby ye chai kesy peye ga...haryanvi dump ass :D" Indeed. With that mask on his face, how?  

Action better than The Matrix
Action in the movie is amazing (Click here to check out a fight sequence). When Isspider bhaiyya is bashing up goons, the rest of the gang waits—with a smile on their faces—to be hit. His power kicks, the replays, the background score... They all come together to create pure magic.

There's glamour too. Desi Spiderman has a female Samba, called Reshma. Her dance on Dhoom Macha Le is an aberration in the movie. For, it's genuinely good. But forget about drooling upon her. The moment she opens her mouth, you'll be reminded of those ganwaar aunties in sleeper-class Indian trains. And the 'sensuous' shots in the songs are so tacky that they end up making you laugh instead of titillating you.

There's so much to this masterpiece. I won't disclose how Shyam got his superpowers or if he and our Mary Jane (the horny Radha) get back together. Don't want to include any spoiler. Instead of saying more, I'll leave you with these YouTube comments. Read and enjoy, and then watch the movie and enjoy (the link's at the bottom of the article). You'll thank me for it.
  • it even starts with an OM , poor shiv, what has he done to deserve this.
  • this is why they should never leave cameras in villages in our country -_-
  • Yeh bhaiye log ke pass aur kuch kaam nahi ki yeh bakwaas film bana rahe hai!
  • Why in movies always abnormal handicapped guys get women and superpowers?
  • Why is he called Spiderman when he has no powers or anything related to a spider lol
  • Shyam bachao shyam bachao to tine dheere chilla rahi hai k Shyam bhi theek se na sun paye.
  • Desi spider man is strong and beats the shit of the bad guys, he is my hero, lol Indians have creativity. American spiderman cant disappear, but the Desi Spiderman can... Way to guys - user from USA
  • I like how the hero is just standing like he has no clue what is happening around during Cham cham barsa paani
  • I like how they randomly show the movie's name every now and then throughout the clip! LOL..
  • The background singing is also truly groundbreaking! :D
  • This movie changed my life!
Then there are some who went into a state of shock upon watching the movie.
  • NONONO! This cant be true! :|
  • What the fucketty fuck am i watching
  • bhaii maine kaunse paap kiye hai jo ye din dekhne ko mil rahe hai woh bhi london mei baith kar,, ha ha ha ha ha lmao :D :D
  • ahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahhahaha .....main coma me chala jaunga :D
  • story theek hai actor ko dkh ker dil kerta ha apny ap ko goli mar loon
  • koi mujhy suiside karne ka tareka bataye ga.. after watching one part on this movie i lost my mental balnce plzzzzzzz
  • HOW ARE U RADHA" BHAAN KA **** OXFORD KA GRADUATE HAI YO DESI SPIDERMAN,,, i want to kill myself aftr seeing this :( :( :((
  • i m going to suicide... and i hate spiders i hate all insects i hate animals i hate myself
  • after watching that i killed my pc !!
  • ma ki ankh sala ye kya he ! me mar dunga kisiko aj ye dekh ke.
  • do me and our country a favour.....Find this spiderman,the actress and the director!!! Knock the shit out of them ........skin them and than bury them 1000 feet below the ground!!!!
And there were a profound statements as well from YouTube users.
  • Still better movie than "Twilight"
  • This spiderman should feature in the avengers sequel
  • man behind mask is tushar kapoor
Hahaha... YouTube users are amazing. Don't ridicule our Isspider bhaiyya. He has a good heart. When a school boy misses his bus, he ensures that the boy reaches the school before the bus does. When Spidey's mom is not looking, he wrings the laundry and puts them on the clothesline in seconds. And he's a patriot. He salutes the tiranga in one scene after bashing up the baddies. We want to see more of Isspider bhaiyya. I definitely do! 

Many YouTube comments say they now want to see a desi Batman. One user suggests our desi Bruce Wayne can be owner of a cowshed, to put him on par with his millionaire counterpart. I do wish to see more such stuff from these guys! Till then, I will feast upon this masterpiece they have created. If you too want to join me in the fan-dom, click here to watch the epic movie.

“Haiku about getting out of bed:
no no no no no
no no no no no no no
no no no no no”